Pins and Needles

Life or well the situations in life is/are things that we could really foretell. It is something that we think and say to our selves that we control, we own, we dictate the future but the truth is that we only control a very small part of it. So here, once again, Toshiro's heart has been tossed around, his situation in life is that he once again lost the Love he has sought for, he fought direly and with all his might but it was the girl who let go, it was the girl, the one he loved, the one person he thought that would fight for his heart is the one who fed it to the abyssal pit. Now, Toshiro is once again in the darkness of his own loneliness. He feels that he has nothing more to live for, nothing for him in this world, nothing.

Age? Maturity? Experience?

What does it really mean to "Grow up"?
Does it mean that if you are older you are wiser?
Does it mean that if you are more mature that everybody else you are better?

Does it mean that if you are more experienced you have the right to step on others?
or

Does it mean that if you are responsible enough to know what should be done, even if you act

childish. Responsible in a way where you work your way slow but surely, in manner where
you don't boast to others what you are and what you have done, but to keep it to yourself and

know what is the better solution and act upon it. Growing up is something that must be

understood and is different with each person.

What has been done...

There are things that must be done, said Toshiro.
He must muster enough of what he has now to do what he needs to do.
That is to start make his life moving. Not just by thinking of himself, But to better

himself in the things he has been running away from. He will increase his output
and remove his procrastination, for he must spin the wheels of his life, and open his

heart to the world. What has been done cannot be changed but the next move can still
changed for the future is not written in stone.

Wariness

I was awake once,
it was long ago,
when there was warmth,

and when there was light.

I was at ease once.
It was when there was someone,
a person who could have been a permanent part
of my life.

I was happy once,

when I was able to smile,

and when I was able to see her smile,

but in an instant it was gone.

Harsh

Fleeting ideas, Thoughts if you wish to add...

Understanding oneself is harder that any math problem out there...

It may consume time, effort and everything that you have...

Fleeting feelings, Emotions if you mind...

Letting go or holding on may be harder than anything you have dreamed...

It will devour every bit of you...

Fleeting...

The world is harsh...

Not so well off...

What ever happened to me? I was happy once, with the woman I loved so deeply. I cannot understand when, how, & what happened. It was but a dream maybe. But 4 years.... All a dream...

It must be so, or maybe now I am dreamin' , yes! I must be dreaming! But why does the pain feel so real? Why does it hurt so much? Why does my chest feel crushed and my shoulders feel heavy? Why does my heart ache? Why does it feel that my heart bleeds thou there is no wound? or is there a wound unseen to the eye... It was good back then. It's not so good right now. I don't think I will be well off even in the moments to come..

-Toshiro

Whisper

Toshiro wants to say many things to her, He want to say different compliments, he wants to let her know how much he feels about her. He would want to say to her, speak to her, praise her, phrases like...

I miss you.

You look beautiful today.

Your hair looks better when hanging loosely.

You're clothes suit you wonderfully.

I always like the way you smile.

I like hearing your sweet voice.

I was just looking at the sun.

I had a dream last night...

When do you think we would get.....

I need a hug.

My heart is shouting you name.

I Love you.

Take care.

To this moment, Toshiro wonders when he can tell her these words, phrases that have been stuck in his head for quite a long time now. He wonders when or if ever these constructed sentences would leave his mouth. Toshiro could only whisper these words, where no one can hear.